Storytime with the RAs
What comes around, goes around; and what happens in Skaptopara, never really leaves Skaptopara. It’s almost like that famous Las Vegas aphorism, minus the hard drugs, sex and abuse. In the case of Skaptopara, it’s the residents who graduate, but the anecdotal tales that tend to stay.
While not quite as sinful in content as the former, Skaptopara I, II and III have housed an ingloriously high amount of good-humored stories over the years. Some are funny, some peculiar, and others – outrightly shocking and blasphemous.
While rumors of a beheaded chicken in a Skaptopara II room and a 4.0 CGPA senior found hallucinating and overly depressed after intaking amphetamines remain unconfirmed, the following reports and stories of current and graduate Resident Assistants(RAs) have been checked to be entirely truthful.
Take a read at the handful of those tales.
Story 1: A Bag of Weed
It’s a peaceful night at the Skaptopara II front desk. Past midnight, the late hour suggests another nonchalant bedtime darkness engulfing the main lobby.
Suddenly, the only resident assistant on night duty sniffs the smell of marijuana. Suspicious, he decides to check on one of the fourth floor terraces of the Skaptopara II block facing Skaptopara I, a location infamous for marijuana smokers. He reaches the place only to see there’s nobody there. As he returns, though, he notices that he has missed seeing a student bag left on the front desk just in front of him. The closer he gets, the stronger the stink of cannabis.
Curiosity over carefulness, the RA finally opens the bag, calling the hall director in the meantime. The bag’s content – a textbook alongside three sizable hand-rolled marijuana joints, in addition to a fat plastic bag of weed.
Just as the hall director arrives to investigate on the late-night report, an Albanian student hurriedly arrives at the scene. He reaches for the bag, while beginning to excuse himself before the hall director and the RA for his clumsiness at forgetting to pick his study materials from the desk.
A few minutes later and the student is being interrogated in the hall director’s office while the RA attempts to hold his laughter in the dull quietness of the Skaptopara II main lobby.
Story 2: The Basement Girl
It’s another late night, only this time – a different Skaptopara. The RA on duty in Skaptopara III receives a signal about a girl that lies on the floor at the basement level, body allegedly shrunken in a newborn’s pose. Immediately he/she rushes downstairs to see what the problem is. There lies on the floor an Asian girl, quite inadequate and barely moving.
In an attempt to pick her up and help her, the same RA is assured by the mumbling words of the girl that she’s alright and she’ll be fine as she is. After his/her continuous efforts to assist the girl, the RA is called back by the guard and returns back up behind the front desk. In about 30 minutes the same RA decides to check on the girl again, goes down and sees another Asian girl helping her to the elevator, the first girl still barely communicative.
All goes well, when it ends well.
Story 3: Home Barbeque
Fall semester of 2015 marked another intriguing report account that logically led to a $25 fine. Only this time the story has a marinade-sour taste to it, literally.
At one day through the first few weeks of the semester, the RAs fire alarm signal turns on. It’s another room’s smoke detector that has probably sensed the dusty smog of cigarettes.
The floor RA nears the designated smoking room, knocks and awaits the opening of the door. As a male resident open the door, the RA immediately catches the aroma of grilled meat enhanced by the light wind breeze blowing the delicious scent in the door’s direction. As he/she enters the room his/her eyes stop upon the massive barbeque grill assembled in the middle of the room.
The grill is on, two juicy steaks on top, marinated and flavored with herbs, both almost ready to be eaten. Behind the RA’s back are two smiling faces, unable to hold their laughter.
As the RA turns around and heads down to the hall director’s office, he/she hardly keeps his/her giggling at the culinary feast in the boy’s room. Thinking of his/her wording for the upcoming report and the $25 fine, the only sentence that makes some sense is “Two hell of an expensive steaks”.
Story 4: Russian Strip Roulette
Screaming, chasing dogs and student running naked. You can hardly get all three of those actions in a single sentence, adding an educational institution like AUBG in it as well. Hardly possible, but surely something the Skaptopara II RA team has already witnessed.
The residence life of Skaptopara II quite recently experienced the night upheaval caused by two Russian-speaking students running in a wild pursuit for a stray dog. Circling the dormitories multiple times, the poor dog finally outran and escaped them, while both students quickly hid away from the RA who first noticed their disturbance. To top it all, both were seen to be completely naked through the whole duration of their early morning race.
Story 5: The Safety Extinguisher
How secure would a student feel if he is chased by two of his friends, one of which carrying a fire extinguisher? A question to which only one student in Skaptopara can give a definite answer.
A few years back in time, that one resident living in the AUBG dormitories was seen trying to jump of a balcony, seeing no escape from his two wacko friends, one of which carrying an unlocked extinguisher. It remains unknown whether he was more scared from his out-of-hands friends, the extinguisher’s white foam or the “Always” pad stuck on the extinguisher itself.*
*AUBG Daily has no information whether the ‘victim’ of the extinguisher and Always pad was a girl or a boy
Story 6: Complains or planes?
Here is a narrative from a RA, who asked to remain anonymous, re-telling a story about a few overly-intoxicated residents.
“Usually the interesting stories that RAs become part of are related to either drunk students or students under the influence of some forbidden substances. However, the most exclusive one of those regarding my experience as a RA was when I knocked on one of the doors on my floor, because there was very loud music and apparently students inside were doing some extreme partying. When one of the residents opened the door I said to him that there are some complaints towards the loud noise on the floor. He misheard me and understood that there are some air planes coming. So they all got scared, freaked out and went outside due to some ongoing paranoia. For the first time students inadequacy was on my side.”
Over the years AUBG Residence Life has proven to be a surreal treasure chest, rich in animating tales. Sadly, only a very small percentage of those stories have been unveiled and attested. Given their light-hearted and entertaining nature, though, one can rightfully ponder why aren’t there more detailed rules for fines to cover all that creative outflow of the AUBG student’s mind.